


Droids on Quads

by Starora



Category: Danger Days: The True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys (Album), Mindless Self Indulgence, My Chemical Romance
Genre: but I will get to that in the second chapter!, it is going to be a Show Pony origin story, set before the events of the music videos and comics, there is a spitting contest - because why not?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-03
Updated: 2016-10-03
Packaged: 2018-08-19 10:15:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8201624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Starora/pseuds/Starora
Summary: This is a story told frequently amongst Killjoy camps, although none of them can tell if it is true. It questions all we know about life in the Zones: Where do Killjoys come from? Where do they go? Who is the Killjoy known as Cotton-Eye Joe? Well, maybe not those questions... But you do begin to wonder: Are there droids on quads?





	

Date: Circa 2012.

Place: Dr. D's Radio Shack, The Battery City Zones.

Featuring: Dr. Death-Defying, Cherri Cola, Hot Chimp, Shitty Teen, Show Pony.

\---

'In case you missed it, tumbleweeds, the Radiation Riders just claimed their seventeenth Derby win this season by beating the Crash Coast Splinters in what may have been the closest match this radiated world has ever seen, absolutely annihilating their own record for consecutive wins - that takes a load of effort, kids. And if, like myself, you are one of those who tends to root in favour of the other team, please take the time just to appreciate the very being of the sport, one which has grown from the ashes of a crumbling civilisation and-'

'Just be thankful that you don't support the Pinks!' Dr. Death-Defying's message was interrupted as Shitty Teen stood behind him, leaning over to shout into the microphone. 'Knocked out in the first round and - WOW! - that was quite the thrashing! Someone I could name cried for days after their defeat - and by "someone", I obviously mean Mr Cherri "I-fuckin'-love-the-pinks" Cola, the one Killjoy this side of that one rock that kinda looks like a Drac that actually- Oh!' The phone on Dr. D's desk began to tinkle. Shitty Teen rolled her eyes and reached for the receiver. 'Looks like we have a caller! I wonder who it could possibly be...'

'Well excuse me for liking the Trash Mountain Divas even though they are not the best!' Cherri Cola's voice yelled as soon as Shitty Teen pressed the button to put him on air.

'Cherri, they are a bunch of Crash Queens that fall on their faces every time they don their skates... I don't know why they chose wheels over heels!'

'I don't like them because they are good, I like them because they are art! Unlike you, a typical Riders fan...'

'Hmph! Let me tell you how many races your precious Divas have won: absolutely none what-so-fucking-ever! And they have only ever completed one race in their entire two-year existence!'

'Well, let me tell you something: I am coming over there right now and we can settle this Killjoy style!'

'Rock, paper, scissors?'

'No, I was thinking more along the lines of a spitting contest...'

'Bring it.'

Shitty Teen stepped back, crossing her arms and pulling a heroic pose, as if she had just saved an entire settlement from extermination, but, in reality, she was just convinced that she could easily spit further than Cherri could.

'Well, it looks like we have a duel!' Dr. D announced, reclaiming the microphone for himself. 'A hawker. Outside my place. In about five minutes if Cherri really is as gritty as he sounds.'

'Be there, or be... Wherever, I guess!' Shitty Teen laughed, tossing her head over her shoulders so that the jet-black pigtails tied in her hair with a bundle of red ribbons bounced around violently.

'I will be with you dirtbabies in roundabout two ticks, but for now I'll be saying see-ya-laterz as I head to my mobile reporting station.'

Dr. D clicked a button on his setup and the red on-air sign faded. He grabbed the wheels of his wheelchair and slowly edged out of the annoyingly enclosed area of his desk, and headed for the door. It was a slow process, but he had grown used to it, turning just the right amount to navigate the obstacles of his cluttered home.

With a little help from Shitty Teen, who gargled in practice as she picked up some soda cans that had been left on the ground, Dr. Death-Defying eventually made it outside, where three rookie Killjoys with a tricked-out green Cadillac Eldorado, a slightly dazed-looking Ritalin Rat wearing spotty pyjamas and a pink sombrero, and Hot Chimp, who was working on the engine of Dr. D's van, were already waiting.

'Got the mobile station geared up?' Dr. D asked Hot Chimp as Shitty Teen helped the Ritalin Rat out of the dirt and onto the collapsed sage sofa that was propped against one of the walls of the shack.

'Ready to go!' Chimp replied, walking over to the back of the van and opening it up to reveal a second radio station stored inside.

'Got a wager running, Cherri vs. Teen. I'm not sure why they feel the need to always one-up each other, but it gives the carbon-hunters something to bet on.'

'I heard. The Nightriders have had their radio blasting most of the morning.' She gestured to the three Killjoys in the Caddy. 'Have you met them? No? Well, Mr. Kingdom is their leader.' Chimp pointed to the shortest of the Killjoys, who was wearing a tacky crown of thin yellow paper. Dr. D wondered how the paper crown had survived the harsh conditions of the Zones. 'Greenwood is the tall one in the dress, and Waterfall is the girl - just out of the Juvie Halls this year apparently, got out by kayaking through the sewers! Still a little nondescript, but I am sure her identity will come in soon!'

'Well, they've come this far in the unforgiving wasteland we call home, and I am sure that they will go on further yet. For all we know, in a few years they will be famous - after all, just look what happened to the California Kids.'

And, of course, everyone knew about the California Kids. Led by the self-proclaimed King of the World, the California Kids had been living out in West Zone 4, where they had taken what remained of the former city of Beverly Hills from the clutches of BL/ind, who had been using it as an activity monitoring station and outpost - it was now a growing settlement, and home to the hottest pool parties in the Zones... Even when there was no water to be seen.

At that moment, as Hot Chimp was unloading the mobile radio station cart from the van, the pinkest thing to have ever been seen in the Zones appeared from over a dune and was running in their direction, screaming nonsensical Zone-slurs in a breathless - yet somewhat pompous - voice.

Dr. D stared.

Hot Chimp and Shitty Teen both stared.

The Nightriders all stared.

Even the Ritalin Rat stared blankly at the neon vision that was Cherri Cola, rushing toward them at his top speed. A few stragglers shortly appeared, chasing him in anticipation of the competition between him and Shitty Teen. He had gathered quite a crowd on his run.

'Looks like Cherri's here.' Dr. D laughed, starting up the radio transmitter. 'And it looks like we are live once more, broadcasting from the sunny wastes, where a hawker is about to happen - and I am sure you know who our participants are! In red and black, with the seriously cool fingerless gloves, we have Shitty Teen: Empress of Nausea!' A few of the stragglers cheered, and so did all three Nightriders. 'And in a rather intoxicating luminous pink from head to toe, looking like the creature from the radioactive swamp just outside Zone 6, we have the Master of Piss, himself: Cherri Cola!' The cheer for Cherri seemed larger, but Dr. D could not be too sure. He had noticed, however, that Hot Chimp had clapped for both of her teammates, but was still shaking her head in disbelief.

'Bring is on, sister!' Cherri called over, flexing his noodly-looking arms and fixing the erratic pink spikes in his hair.

'Oh, it is on! And it has been on for, like, a month... Grandma!' Teen responded.

'Don't you just wish your nana looked this suave?'

'The fuck, Cherri?' Teen giggled. Cherri just shrugged in agreement.

'Seems the greetings are over, and the pumpkins prepared. Chimp, draw the bar, looks like we've got a match on our astro!'

Hot Chimp dragged her boot through the sand, making a line which the two competitors stepped up to. She then nodded over to Dr. D, signalling that Teen and Cherri were ready.

'Oh, when I'm through with you, Cola, you will be naught but glitter in the sand...' Shitty Teen muttered though the saliva she was building up.

'H-C says it's planetary, but maybe it's just Pluto!' Dr Death-Defying continued, building up the suspense. 'I guess we'll find out soon, as our falconers are gearing up! Let your hawks fly when our supply of idiots runs dry: Uno... Dos... Tré... Bombs away!'


End file.
